Valentine's Day has come and gone, but love has stayed on my mind. Who do you love in life? What places and objects also have a special place in your heart and being? Moreover, how do you express the love you feel for those dear to you? And how does that love feel within you? I grew up in a family that was hit by two deaths within less than a year of each other. My father's mother and sister both died of the same type of cancer, and my family felt the losses strongly. I was 10 at the time of my grandmother's death; 11 at the time of my aunt's. Their passing shook my relatively comfortable world and led me to some pretty profound questions, which no "answers" spoken by my caring loved ones seemed able to satisfy. I wrestled with such questions on and off for years to come. Eventually, a deep faith--one that can be questioned and unanswerable--resulted, and for that I am grateful. In addition to helping me develop a deeply- rooted faith, however, the losses I experienced in those formative years also had a great impact on how I view the people, places, and things that are most dear to me in life. Fairly early on, I learned that life--just like so many of its treasures--is fleeting. Each day does count, and what we make of it, how we spend it, how we treat others and ourselves, and what we learn from it shapes us, just as it influences the people, places, and things around us. Whatever our circumstances, we have a choice of how to respond to them. I was reminded of this a couple weeks ago by Scarlett Lewis. On Monday, February 12th, the after-school professional development session for some of the elementary schools in the district where I teach was an introduction to the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. The movement was founded by Scarlett Lewis, whose six-year-old son, Jesse, was killed in Sandy Hook. Dealt what must be considered one of life's hardest circumstances, Scarlett Lewis has dedicated herself to bringing this movement to schools and families across the United States and around the globe. The movement calls for social-emotional learning for all children--and adults, as everyone can benefit from the teachings--with the goal, as stated on their website (www.jesselewischooselove.org), "to foster the understanding that with the right tools, we can educate and encourage individuals to choose loving thoughts over angry thoughts." Two days later, another mass school shooting occurred in Florida. Such events are all too common, and a multi-faceted approach is needed to curb them, as the problems behind them are also multi-faceted and complex. Yet, I agree with Scarlett Lewis that learning to love and to be loved--lessons many of us take for granted, but in doing so should also realize that they aren't the norm for every person nor, furthermore, for every child--are essential components of any long-term solution. I've been thinking a lot lately about this idea of love. And I've been thinking about how mindfulness, over the past three years, has helped me learn to love others and myself more deeply, more genuinely, and more selflessly than I ever had before exploring mindfulness. I've always been quite loving and have learned through life how to express that love through actions and words. But love can be a tricky emotion, as it can become entangled with jealousy, anger, resentment, fear, and a whole host of other complicated feelings. This is where mindfulness has helped me grow the most, as love has become less and less about who or what I love, and more and more about love as the energy of feeling connected and grounded, supporting me at my "center," while encouraging others to be fully at theirs, too. It is as much about looking outward at the people, places, and things I love as it is about looking inward, and seeing or, more accurately, feeling the resonation within me that indicates the sense of connection love fosters. Through my own explorations of social-emotional learning and mindfulness, I have, indeed, learned better how to love and to be loved, and I fully agree that if everyone had the chance in life to learn these lessons, the world would be a better, more peaceful place. If you are a parent, an educator, or anyone who works with children in any capacity, I encourage you to check out the Jesse Lewis website, as there are a lot of free resources available to support social-emotional learning. And on a personal note, I ask you to consider the words of a Kenny Roger's song: "Through the years, through all the good and bad, I know how much we've had. I've always been so glad to be with you...I've learned what life's about, by loving you through the years." (You can listen to the whole song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z1A1R8RQZs if you'd like.) The song brings tears to my eyes nearly every time I listen to it, as it is accompanied in my mind by a slideshow of the family and friends who have all helped make my days so rich. Perhaps the song reminds you of someone, too? A significant other, a treasured sibling, or a best friend who's been through so much with you in life? Whoever the song brings up, consider reaching out to that person or people just to check in, say hello, and see how things are going. Each day with our loved ones is a blessing, and what we say and do each day does count...will you choose love today? Lovingly, Lisa
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Having lived in New England all of my life, I've grown accustomed to an environment with four distinct seasons. Although they usually play a background role, the changing patterns of winter, spring, summer, and fall probably impact my day-to-day life in ways much more complex than the obvious ones that appear at surface level. I've sometimes wondered how different my internal life would feel if I lived in a place without four such distinct seasons. (Regardless of where we live, I imagine that, on some level, our environment comes to reside within, impacting each of us, to varying degrees, at the core of our being.) Clearing my car of snow in below-freezing temperatures in January, for example, I'm always amazed to think that in six months I may be enjoying a summer read on a beach chair, warmed by the sun and relaxing with my toes in the sand. I love visiting places like Guatemala, Florida, California, and even South Carolina, where different seasons exist, but--from my New Englander's perspective--seem linked more by similarities than differences. However, I can't imagine living there year-round. For me, at this point in my life, that wouldn't be a comfortable match. Yet, I know that for others, that is their ideal. One of my sisters, for instance, is very content living year-round in Florida, where she can enjoy some beach or pool time nearly any month of the year. And my Godparents, who've lived in New England for most of their lives, are happy to leave the cold weather behind as they travel south each year during the winter months as snowbirds in their RV. Occasionally in conversations, my sister and Godparents have sounded almost apologetic when I've mentioned cold temperatures or a forecasted snowstorm . I've quickly reassured them there's no need to feel sorry for me...I love the cold and snow of winter (and if not careful to consider their perspectives, I could feel sorry for them, missing out on what I see as winter's beauty). But that wasn't always the case. During one phase of my life, I strongly disliked winter. It was, by far, my least favorite of the four seasons, and, in my opinion, it couldn't leave quickly enough. But gradually that feeling shifted, first to tolerance, then to still-reluctant acceptance, and finally to where I am today, at deep appreciation. As far as I can remember, the shift occurred most markedly when I became a mother, when a certain magic that accompanies the transformations of the seasons was renewed within me. I was excited to share this sense of wonder with my daughter, who had recently arrived from Guatemala, a country known as the land of "eternal spring." Ever since, my love of each season has grown stronger, and though I still have a least favorite among the four, I appreciate the unique beauty each one brings. Just recently, however, and with thanks to mindfulness, which has helped bring a new awareness to the topic, I began to learn a new lesson from this shift: embrace life's seasons. As the Bible and The Byrds have already made known, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven." As the years have passed, and I've gone through the births and deaths of loved ones, the challenges and joys of raising a child, the ins and outs of relationships of all sorts, the struggles and accomplishments of a fulfilling career, and each of life's "ups and downs" that have painted my days, I've come to gain an acceptance of everything that happens as an intricate part of life's wondrous complexity. Yet, only within the past few weeks and months have I been able to shift from accepting to embracing. Some words I read last night in Rolf Gates's and Katrina Kenison's Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga really hit home on this idea of embracing life's circumstances: "Mindfulness is the art of paying attention. But there is more to it than that. It is paying attention with an abiding faith in a loving universe...When we pay attention with faith that we will be supported, then growth really is possible, our vision becomes clear, our path becomes unobstructed, and we are able to see the 'Good in every person and situation.'" That can be difficult to do, especially when roadblocks and mountains may seem to dominate our life's pathways, as they do in certain challenging times. But if we believe, as Deepak Chopra and others might suggest, that the universe is here to support our learning and deepening understanding of self and others, then somewhere, on some level, we can make a certain peace with life's challenges. Just like the seasons, life's challenges come and go. I can fight them, or I can go with the flow and accept them. Or, moving beyond both of those options, I can embrace them as I look for the good in each situation and each person I encounter. The last course may not be easy, but it brings with it a deep sense of peace that, for me, doesn't accompany the others. Each day presents new opportunities to learn. I hope that today and in moments to come, I can have a new appreciation for each season of my life, embracing alike the warmth and cold, the sun and clouds, the rain and snow, the rose and thorn that each person and each situation presents, openly, willingly, and lovingly. Open to all seasons, I'll be more receptive to the wisdom each one offers, allowing the lessons to enter my heart. What might we learn if we embrace each of life's seasons? I imagine the lessons will stick with us for a lifetime. Gratefully, Lisa |
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