In a recent presentation at The Graduate Institute, "happiness guru" Lionel Ketchian explained to the faculty and students present that happiness is a choice. While we cannot control our experiences and circumstances, we can control our responses to them, and regardless of how difficult they may be, we can choose positivity as a lens of interpretation. This, he argued, is key to happiness. However, "You only have a choice if you're aware you have a choice."
I believe empathy can be similarly nurtured. We can choose to be empathic in our interactions with others and ourselves, but we can only choose to do so if we are aware that we have that choice. This is where mindfulness can help. Being mindful increases self-awareness, at the deepest, most profound levels of our being. As we build our self-awareness, we simultaneously deepen our understanding of self: What makes us tick? What brings us joy and inspires us? What sets us off? What frustrates us? Practicing mindfulness can open our eyes to a new level of knowing ourselves, and knowing ourselves can, in turn, help us better understand others. Business thinker Daniel H. Pink sees empathy as a critical characteristic of successful individuals across a variety of careers and life callings. In A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future, Pink notes that changes prompted by "abundance, Asia, and automation" have brought us into what he calls the "Conceptual Age," in which "The main characters are now the creator and the empathizer." In this age, empathy--which Pink defines as "the ability to imagine yourself in someone else's position and to intuit what that person is feeling...the ability to stand in others' shoes, to see with their eyes, and to feel with their hearts,"--is increasingly important. Not only is it key to helping professionals such as lawyers, doctors, and marketers remain competitive in a world that has become increasingly automated, empathy is, moreover, "an ethic for living...a universal language that connects us beyond country or culture. Empathy makes us human. Empathy brings joy." As a parent and an educator, I see the value in practicing mindfulness to develop empathy not only in my daughter and my students, but also, first and foremost, in myself. For in every interaction, in the words of Carl Jung, "You are what you do, not what you say you'll do." The old adage "actions speak louder than words" often rings true, and caught up in a moment of frustration or anger, I turn to mindfulness as a tool to help me recognize and process my emotions, empowering me to choose how I respond to a situation, rather than mindlessly reacting to it. (I'm sure anyone who has parented a teenager can see the value in this! In fact, I'm guessing that anyone who works to serve others in any way, shape, or form can also relate!) Even in the most challenging of situations, the simple recommendation of Kristin Souers and Pete Hall in Fostering Resilient Learners: Strategies for Creating a Trauma-Sensitive Classroom, can have a profound effect: "When in doubt, shut your mouth and take a deep breath." Even in day-to-day interactions, mindful awareness can increase empathy for others, as we may be more apt to recognize and "tune in" to someone else's needs and experiences. In a recent meeting of the Mindfulness Exploration Group that the psychologist at my school and I facilitate, we looked at the connection between empathy and mindfulness, and teachers shared how their empathy for students can serve as a powerful role model for how their students interact with one another. Furthermore, one teacher noted how she consciously makes the effort to stop and hold the door when she sees someone coming behind her, though many times that is no longer the "norm" of behavior we see day-to-day. Overall, I consider myself a fairly empathetic person, yet her sharing of this simple practice re-awakened an awareness in myself, and now I, too, make a conscious effort, whenever I notice someone coming behind me, to wait and hold the door open. Since becoming more mindful of this practice, I've also become more aware of the smiles and "thank you's" that such a simple act fosters. Indeed, bringing mindful awareness to our everyday interactions can open figurative doors to new ways of showing empathy for others. In his groundbreaking work Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman writes, "Empathy...leads to caring, altruism, and compassion. Seeing things from another's perspective breaks down biased stereotypes, and so breeds tolerance and acceptance of differences. These capacities are ever more called on in our increasingly pluralistic society, allowing people to live together in mutual respect and creating the possibility of productive public discourse." Now, perhaps more than ever, we have a need for these capacities and for a re-awakening of our awareness of how we treat and interact with others. In the 2005 edition of his book, Goleman also calls for "a new vision of what schools can do to educate the whole student, bringing together mind and heart in the classroom." I believe mindfulness can be a tool for helping this emotionally intelligent vision become a reality, not only in the classroom, but in the world at large. The choice to be empathic or not is ours, and mindfulness can nurture our awareness of that choice and open new doors with regard to how we handle our interactions with others and how we treat ourselves. What are your thoughts? What has been your experience with the crossover of mindfulness and empathy in your day-to-day lives? Do you have ideas for how to foster empathy in our students, our children, and in ourselves? Do you agree with the potential of mindfulness as a tool in this area? I pose these questions as food for thought and welcome any and all insights you wish to share! Thanks for reading, LAH
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